Baby It's You

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"There are no accidents." -- Tobey Maguire

:.:PIDUH-MAN:.:

Natalia

Under ordinary circumstances, I would have been pissed off.

Waking me up from, possibly, the best sleep of my entire existence at a quarter to five in the morning was certainly a crime worthy of capital punishment.

This however, was anything but ordinary. And so was the man now smiling at me as the world came slowly, and grudgingly, into focus. The room was swallowed in blackness, save for the muted orange from the bedside lamp, which let out just enough light to see the blue eyes bright in front of me.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” His voice was low and it scratched as he spoke, like a dusty needle on an old record, so that only every other syllable was heard— meaning that he hadn’t been too long in being awake himself. But he was apparently awake enough to have gotten himself dressed already, in a long thermal and jeans, and he leaned over onto the bed.

“Sleepyhead?” I squinted at the clock. “Tobes… you do know what time it is, don’t you?”

His voice crackled deep in his throat and he scrunched his face up into a laugh. “Yep. Feels every bit of five o clock, doesn’t it.”

“Four forty-five,” I groaned, not wanting to be conscious at such an hour.

“Well, I wouldn’t wake you if it wasn’t worth it. Come on, there’s somewhere I want to take you.”

At four forty five in the morning? I shook my head and turned over onto my side— sleep had never felt as tempting as I pulled the covers back up to my chin.

“Later, hon. It’s too early…”

I heard him laugh again, this time right in my ear, his nose nuzzling the side of my face and soon his lips did the same.

Of course, that was tempting too.

My eyes opened again and I turned around to face him, trying to appear cross. “Where on earth could you want to go at four in the morning?”

“You’ll find out once you get up.” He gazed down at me with his puppy-dog eyes— purposefully because he knew very well that it was impossible for me to resist them.

I threw the covers back over my head and held onto them tightly. “Don’t do that, Tobey! That’s not fair!”

“Come on, up we go.”

“You pull these covers off me and I’ll… I’ll…”

“You’ll what?” he asked, tugging the covers back off. He was grinning wickedly and he took hold of my wrists.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?”

Of course he didn’t answer, and I was soon being lifted off the bed. He had one hand under my back, and the other under my knees so that he cradled me like a baby as he walked me towards the bathroom.

“I’m serious,” I said, angry that I couldn’t stop my laughter. “I mean it, let me go!”

He stood patiently as I kicked and struggled and threatened him that if he didn’t let me go right then and there then I’d be forced to physically punishing him.

“Mmm,” he said happily. “I think I’d like that.”

“TOBEY, I mean it!”

We were standing in the bathroom and, after waiting a moment, he gave me a warm smile.

He was loving it. The brat.

“Are you finished now?”

I grimaced.

Gently, he bent down and put my feet to the floor, standing me upright.

Defeat.

“Now, you go on and take a quick shower, and I’ll finish getting the stuff together. Oh, and dress warm because it’s going to be cold up there!”

“What stuff? Up where?” I was still asking questions when he closed the bathroom door behind him.

Damn him and his surprises.

The hot shower did wonders to melt away the chill I’d had from being ripped out of some truly sublime sleep, but it didn’t stop me from still aching to crawl back into bed. I threw my wet hair into a slick ponytail and hurried to the bedroom to pull on a pair of jeans and find the only sweatshirt I’d packed.

The lights were on in the sunken living room and Tobey was in there sitting on the sofa, leaning over the coffee table, going about the business of stuffing his things into a black Adidas backpack.

“What’s all this?” It was the millionth time I’d asked that question in about ten minutes. Instead of answering it, he handed me a silver thermos without even looking up at me.

“Hazelnut roast with low fat milk and a pack of sweetener. Don’t say I never did anything nice for you, it’s…” he looked up at me and his voice promptly trailed. His eyes widened and then his face scrunched again, this time the laughter was loud and blaring. “Babes? Where did you get that sweatshirt?”

I looked down at my sweatshirt in confusion. It was so old that I didn’t even notice what it said anymore. “Oh… yeah, Monica gave it to me after finals a couple years ago and told me that I should wear it as a warning when people need to stay away.”

“‘I can only deal with one person today: today is not your day and tomorrow isn’t looking good either’. I don’t know what’s funnier: the sweatshirt or the fact that you wear it in public.”

I playfully kicked at his foot. “It’s pretty much how I’m feeling right now, I’ll tell you that.”

“Oh just drink your coffee and come on. You’re going to love me for this.”

I followed him out of the hotel room and five minutes later we were rushing down the quiet lobby, dark and deserted with only shadows left to hint at the beauty surrounding us. He pulled out a pair of car keys from his faded jeans and pulled me towards the parking lot, which was barely lit by the flickering orange lamp posts. He pushed a button on the key and a small black Audi beeped in front of us.

I don’t know if I was more surprised over how sleek and sexy it was, or the fact that Tobey had keys for it.

“Where the hell did that come from,” I said. Tobey pulled the door open for me and I slid into the leather passenger seat, thoroughly confused.

“From Gersh,” he said blandly. “No other way to get around on the island, you know, except in a car.” He stuck the key in the ignition and the bright red nocturne lights flashed on. He backed out of the parking lot and pulled out onto a horizon of endless black.

“And you couldn’t wait to show me a rental car until morning?”

“It is morning. Now drink your coffee like a good little girl,” he said patiently. He reached forward to turn on the radio, no doubt to keep me from complaining.

You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes.
It brought me back to life.
You’ll be with me next time I go outside
No more three by five’s...

Thirty more minutes passed and my head found itself resting against the cold window glass. I was just about to do something terribly juvenile and ask if we were there yet, when my obsessed Chauffeur read my mind and said, “Yes, we’re here.” The car lurched to a sudden stop, and Tobey reached for his backpack.

“Come on, we’d better hurry!”

The sky was stuck in a curious juxtaposition with night still managing to win out over morning in the battle for control of the heavens, but according my watch it was a quarter after six and such darkness simply just couldn’t last much longer.

I was surprised to find that Tobey was not the only one who’d seemingly lost his mind. As we climbed up a steep set of stone steps, I could make out the faces of about fifteen or twenty others— all bundled in blankets and sweatshirts, cradling thermoses as I did to mine.

We were standing on a cliff of some kind, the drive obviously having been up a mountain summit, and no doubt the black vacuum below us was a canyon or ravine of some kind, but it was just much too dark to be too sure of anything.

Tobey unzipped his backpack and pulled out a blue fleece blanket. It looked like the same comfy blue fleece blanket that I’d wrapped myself in so many times at his home… and it had a curiously familiar red stain… rather like the stain from the fruit punch Weston had spilled on it when we were in Oregon… Oregon?

No, you’re just imagining it. I mean, what man travels with his own linen?

He must have felt me shivering because he draped the blanket around me and pulled me close next to him, our bodies together putting an immediate stop to the chill that had been taking over.

“Better?”

“Yes, thanks,” I said, feeling the need to whisper since everyone around us was unusually quiet. “Tobey, what exactly are we…”

“Shhh,” he said softly and pointed with a casual finger towards the black infinity. “Watch.”

So I did.

Only it wasn’t black anymore.

No, the world ahead of us was shifting with a stormy unrest that I could feel in my bones. A sliver of muted orange had split the black horizon in half— a streak of light that seemed to begin in eternity and end right back in the same place. I felt my breath catch in my throat, and forgot how to breathe entirely as the streak of orange slowly, gradually, became brighter and bolder, transforming itself from orange into a radiating amber yellow that grew bigger with every passing second. It was lighting up the world around us: there indeed were mountains beyond us, their silhouettes dramatic and black against the glowing yellow. Night was no more and morning was arriving now in shades of rich cobalt blue, illuminating the oceans of foggy cloud that had been in front of us the whole time.

“Oh my God,” was all my voice would allow me to say, and only then in the softest whisper. Never had I seen anything of such singular beauty— my eyes had to be playing tricks on me for it was mystifying that such arresting brilliance could indeed be real.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Tobey pulled me closer, planting a soft kiss on my forehead.

I took a deep breath of the crisp, fresh air— it was as thought I was breathing for the first time in my life. “It’s… more than that.” I let my gaze sneak a quick glance toward the luminous pair of blue eyes that were so close to me and saw the reds and oranges and yellows reflecting back at me from Tobey’s irises. My breath caught in my throat at the beauty of that moment. It was like seeing God in Tobey’s eyes…

He was stroking the side of my hair as I rested my head under his chin which tickled slightly from him not having shaved in two days.

“Puts things into perspective, don’t you think?” he said quietly, his voice still holding its morning rasp as it broke through my reverie. “How small we are next to something as intense as this?”

My eyes wouldn’t leave the menagerie of dancing colors before me. The pinks and oranges of the sky mingling with the cerulean of Tobey’s eyes, my gaze darted from one to the other in quick succession, trying to drink it all in and store it up. I didn’t even want to talk for fear of shattering such delicate perfection. I merely squeezed his hand in reply, unable to put any sort of language to what I was seeing or feeling anyway.

The minutes crept onward, as is their stubborn habit, and soon the world was around us was bright enough with soft morning light to see our surroundings better. The fog was thick below us, with green mountain peaks bursting up from it.

“It’s called Haleakala, and it’s a dormant volcano,” Tobey explained. “There’s a crater down there, you can’t see it now, but when it’s clear outside it’s incredible.”

“I believe you.” I was making a mental note to never doubt any of his ideas ever again.

He must have sensed this too because he was smiling at me as we walked back to the car. “I told you that you’d love me for this.”

“I still can’t believe it. How did you—“

“My Mom brought me here during our first trip to the islands. She dragged me out of bed at the butt-crack of dawn and I totally thought she’d lost her mind. But ever since then I’ve always wanted to see it again.”

We were driving back down the hill, words still difficult to come by. “And I thought that sunsets were amazing. But next to that sunrise— God, that was incredible, Tobey . . .”

He was looking entirely pleased with himself. “Now wasn’t that worth getting up for?”

“I have to admit, Tobey – after that, I will follow you anywhere, no matter what time of day you want to go.”

I reached over and rested my hand on his leg as he drove along the quiet winding road, heading westward back to our resort. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

When we arrived back at the Grand Wailea, it was eight thirty in the morning, and Tobey and I were both famished so we headed straight to the grand dining room. It was apparently still too early for most of the travelers because we basically had the restaurant to ourselves, and we happily took a seat at the window, looking out at the pool and the endless blue horizon beyond it.

“Tobey,” I said with purposeful seriousness. “I… need to talk to you about something.”

He’d been leaning back in his chair and he pulled himself forward, immediately concerned, his gaze steady and serious. “Anything, Nat.”

I just gotta know…

I sighed heavily, dropping my eyes to his closed backpack. “Tobey…” I made a deliberately pregnant pause. “Do… you really travel with your own linen?”

His face was frozen in its blankness, and then slowly a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. His voice was sheepishly scratchy as he averted his gaze away from mine. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh I don’t know— certain fleece blankets ring any bells?”

“What about it?”

“Oh Tobey,” I said as a fit of giggles began to attack. “Do you know of any other men who travel with their own blankets? I mean, is it a Hollywood thing?”

He laughed, taking my teasing like a pro.

“Okay, see, there’s an explanation for that,” he said as the waiter handed him a glass of soy milk. “See… normally when I travel its for press junkets and I don’t know where the hell I’ll be staying so can you really blame me for wanting to have my own things with me?”

“But Tobey, the Grand Wailea isn’t exactly a Motel 6!”

“There’s nothing wrong with a man who travels with a blanket,” he said flatly. “It’s… it’s comforting!”

“And I’m so glad to hear that you’re secure enough with your sexuality to say so.” I couldn’t control the little smirk that I knew was gracing my face.

Tobey was laughing, but kept shaking his head. “No, no, you don’t understand—“

“Sure I do! I mean, I used to carry my own special blankie around too… of course… that was when I was five and still wore a spandex ballet leotard and tights.” I paused, smiling wickedly at him. “Of course, you being a grown man wouldn’t know anything about spandex or tights would you?”

“It takes a real man to wear tights,” he said loudly, too loudly, because the waiter paused as he walked past us and gave us a very pronounced frown. “Would it be quite all right if we changed the subject now,” he grumbled.

I calmed my laughter into subsiding snickers. “Yes, of course. Err… what’s on the agenda today?”

“It’s up to you,” he said, sensing the danger had passed. “Take a look at the brochure.” He reached into his backpack to pull it out for me, and his blue blankie accidentally fell out with it.

I exploded.

“Not funny,” he tried to tell me as I doubled over and let my head rest onto the table, trying to as hard as I could to keep my laughter from bouncing off the walls as it was so ready to do.

“When you’ve quite finished,” he continued, “maybe you should know that Whale Watching tours aren’t available on Tuesdays. You’ll have to choose something else to do today instead.”

I coughed and cleared my throat. “Oh… right…” I took the brochure from him. “I remember seeing something about… oh, here it is! Look hon, it’s this trail in…” I slowly pronounced the strange word. “M… m…moo…mooloo…”

Tobey laughed. “Molokai. Moh-loh-kai.”

“Yeah, that. Anyway, it’s a trail at the edge of the island and stretches for three miles along the coastline.”

“Three miles?”

“Yeah! You’re supposed to ride up a really narrow winding curve along the coast, I mean, right there at the edge. On a mule!”

Tobey choked on his glass of soy milk. “S-sorry,” he said, coughing into his napkin. “Did you say mule?”

“Yeah, you know: an ass. Well— half asses really, if you want to get technical about it.”

“They’re obnoxious asses, that’s what they are.”

“Why Jake Rodell,” I said with a laugh. “You isn’t scared, is ya?”

So we had the concierge reserve a spot for us in tour scheduled for the eleven o’clock departure which gave us just enough to time freshen up before heading back out onto the open road.

Tobey had been right about having to see the island from a car. We drove along the two lane highway, guarded on each side by sloping green hills with moody clouds draping along their tops— I was already seeing drops of rain on the window.

“It’s ‘cause of the rainforests,” said Tobey. “This side of the island is always like this you know.”

I didn’t know that, obviously.

But what I did know is that I was having the absolute time of my life.

* * *

Tobey

It is comforting… nothing wrong with it at all… right?

“Oh Toooobey?”
He looked up and was greeted with a flash from her camera.
“Mmm, now that’s gonna be a keeper,” she said, imitating the look he’d had on his face. “You looked wasted! Wonder if I could post it on the internet.”
“Sure, if you want my face plastered all over the tabloids. Tobey Maguire’s Drinking Binge in Hawaii—“
Nat laughed at him. “Why doctors fear the worst for the actor.”
“And then they always find some ‘close friend’ to give them an exclusive and it turns out to be some kid who sat behind you in homeroom that you haven’t seen since the seventh grade.”
It was easy to laugh in retrospect because hindsight gives everything a sense of humor. But there was nothing at all funny about those things when it really happened…
They were in front of a less than impressive tin roof building with “MOLOKAI MULE TOURS” painted in less than impressive red lettering across the top. He and Nat were more or less removed from the rest of the travelers who mingled freely with each other. Besides, the other tourists were all wearing the same bright red polo shirts and sported nametags with their names written in thick black Chinese characters.
Or are those Japanese characters? I always get those two confused…
“The family that owns the business lives here too,” Nat was telling him. “That’s what the flyer says.”
Such a place could really only belong to an authentic island family, Tobey was certain of that, which made him glad because tours on the islands were always so much better with an authentic islander around.
They heard the front door swing open and both he and Natalia snapped to attention and walked over to join the others.
The red clay ground was muddy under their feet thanks to the misty morning. But there was at least one man who didn’t seem to care: he was barefoot, letting the ruddy mud squish between his toes.
He was also bare-chested. And not the jolly old Islander Tobey had been hoping to see.
Having spent innumerable hours of torture last year to prepare for the new movie, Tobey was quite adept at spotting other fellow gym slaves. And this man had probably worked out every day since puberty. He was extremely tall with long black hair meaning he was most likely half Hawaiian and Tobey had an immediate desire to deck him.
“Hi everyone! Glad to see so many people out here this morning — looks like we got a houseful today which should be awesome! I’m Rusty—“
God. His name would be Rusty. “—And I’ll be your tour guide for the day! So if you’ll follow me this way, we’ll totally get started!”
The people in the tour group, even though their mastery of the English language was questionable, seemed to have no problems in following him. Tobey even saw a flicker of wide-eyed wonder on Natalia’s face.
Why doesn’t someone tell Keanu Reeves to put his goddamn shirt back on?
“So! Like, how many here have ridden a horse before?”
Tobey and Nat raised their hands, but none of the bright red shirts appeared to.
“Well, it’s totally not that hard! Riding a mule is a lot like riding a horse. I’d like a volunteer, please, to help demonstrate the others how it’s done.”
Nat raised her hand and Tobey had the immediate desire to pull it back down.
“Yeah, you! Come on!” Rusty smiled and took Natalia’s hand, leading her towards a mule. “Now this is a treat! Don’t remember the last time I had a pretty young lady ride my mule.”
The words “you motherfucking asshole” seemed appropriate, but Tobey restrained himself and remained silent as Rusty laughed as his own less than subtle insinuation.
Natalia gave Tobey a hesitant look, waiting for him to smile. Tobey did so— painfully.
“Now watch carefully as my beautiful assistant, err, what did you say you name was?”
“Natalia.”
“As Natalia steps into the stirrup with her left foot and then swings her right leg over the mule’s body. Ready? One, two—“
Natalia knew what she was doing, obviously, and she smiled proudly atop her mule. Rusty had her take the reigns and demonstrate how to get the mule to stop and start and turn left and right.
“Perfect, perfect,” Rusty was saying. “You know, some people say that mules are just obnoxious and dumb animals, but I say people who think that are probably just as obnoxious themselves.”
Tobey grimaced, having just called mules obnoxious asses that very morning. Nat was giggling.
Having exhausted the many various ways of steering a mule (pull reigns to left, pull reigns to right) Rusty called everyone over to assign them an animal. The red shirts were first in line and went about trying to mount them, and Tobey grimaced at the last remaining mule: an unforgivably ugly creature that smelled every bit as awful as it looked.
Tobey crossed his arms and twisted his mouth to the side. God, are those fleas buzzing around it? And my antibacterial cleanser is in the glove compartment, dammit!
“She’s yours,” Rusty said from behind him. “Daisy’s her name— sweet as a kitten.”
“And ugly as sin,” said Tobey under his breath.
All right Daisy, let’s you and me get this over with.
He hoisted himself up and straddled the mule— but perhaps with too much energy because in the next instant his eyes were watering. He gasped and waited for the throbbing to go away before adjusting his, uh, position.
Daisy made an annoyed grunt.
“Oh, dude, careful,” said Rusty who was riding past Tobey on his own mule. “Careful you don’t hurt her!”
“Hurt her?” Tobey squeaked as Rusty rode away. Tobey frowned as Rusty pulled his mule up alongside Natalia’s towards the trail and gave the mule a kick.
She didn’t move.
“Oh you gotta be kidding me,” he said. He did it again, but still nothing. He pulled the reigns this way and that, but Daisy seemed quite content where she was.
“Come on, you stubborn ass!”
The mule suddenly took off at a gallop, nearly sending Tobey falling off the side.
This was probably going to be the longest three miles of his life.
* * *

Natalia

I literally felt like a kid again! The mule was uncomfortable and smelled of all sorts of unsavory things, but it was incredible nonetheless: the red mud splashing up onto my pants, the gusts of cool air so sweet I could taste it on my tongue, and of course, as we veered onto the dirt trail, the Pacific that jumped out at us from nowhere.

The mules walked in a single file line with the group of bright red shirts in the lead, setting off flashes from their cameras like fireworks. Not that I could blame them, of course. My own camera was close at my side because the view was becoming all the more breathtaking the further up the mules climbed.

“It’s clear over the water today,” Rusty was saying. “So you can, like, totally see the Big Island from here. And see that in the distance? That’s Mauna Loa…”

I smiled. Mauna Loa Macadamia nuts… Tobey loves those…

“…they say it’s most active Volcano in the world.”

Volcanoes...

“Oh hey! Speaking of volcanoes, we were at Haleakala this morning!”

Rusty was smiling revealing a set of pearly whites that I knew where most likely whitened on a regular basis.

“Oh dude, isn’t sunrise there awesome? Yeah, Haleakala is actually a dormant volcano— the active ones are on the Big Island. They say that where we are right now is the most ‘Hawaiian’ of all the islands. And it’s also the place where the Hula dance was invented. It’s in all the old legends and in May we have a huge celebration for the birth of the Hula—Ka Hula Piko, it’s called.”

I wasn’t sure why Rusty was giving such a speech to me only and, embarrassed, I turned away to look at Tobey.

“Did you know that, Tobey? About the hula…”

Only he wasn’t there. He was about fifteen feet behind us, his mule making a very slow job of mastering the steep incline. Tobey’s eyes were dark and frowning and I could only guess the things he was calling his mule.

Rusty made a loud announcement for the other riders to wait, and he appeared surprised with Tobey when he finally reached us. “Why didn’t you call for us to wait up?”

“I didn’t want to interrupt,” said Tobey with very forced pleasantry. But for me, his irritation was thinly veiled and I gave him a warm smile in a weak attempt to cheer him.

“Dude, next time just give her a kick right here in the side, like this.” Rusty demonstrated and the mule skipped ahead. He smiled back at Tobey. “Need to see it again?”

I was sure that Rusty was just being nice, but it came across as patronizing and I could feel Tobey tense up next to me.

“I think I’ll be able to remember it,” he said coldly.

Rusty, obviously the sort of fellow who was oblivious to a lot of things, seemed satisfied and fell right back into his commentary to me. I tried to keep my mule from walking ahead too quickly; wanting for Tobey to keep up, but his mule seemed to have a mind of its own.

“…and that’s why my family owns this business. I’m actually from LA, but I came out here to help, you know? So, like, where you from?”

I’d been looking over my shoulder, keeping an eye on Tobey and his struggling mule, but Rusty’s question commanded my attention. “What did you say?”

“Where you from?”

“Oh… I’m from LA too.”

“Dude! No way! Awesome! And you’re, what, here on your honeymoon?”

“Honeymoon?” The question surprised me and made me blush— especially since this beauty queen was the last person I wanted to discuss such things with. “No, no I’m not married to—“

“Really,” said Rusty with a bit too much interest for my comfort level. “Dude, what are the odds of me meeting a knockout from LA like you in a place like this?”

“Umm… I hope that this kind of discussion isn’t a regular part of your tour.” I turned my head back around. Where is Tobey?

“Where’d he go?”

Rusty stopped too and called ahead for the rest to wait. “He’s just behind again; he’ll be around the corner in a mo’.”

But that didn’t make sense because I had just seen him not ten seconds ago!

The tall brush that lined the side of the trail swayed slightly— and not because of the breeze either. I could hear a yell that was unmistakably Tobey’s. It was too far away to understand the words, but they were certainly all four lettered ones. The brush swayed again and out of it stumbled Tobey on all fours: dirt on his face and shirt, and weeds sticking out of his hair.

“TOBEY!” I dismounted and hurried down the path.

He looked even more ridiculous up close.

“Dude!” Rusty was right at my side. “Why’d you ride into the brush—“

“I didn’t!” Tobey shouted, pointing into the brush. “That mule of yours was trying to kill me!”

Rusty frowned and climbed into the brush to retrieve his precious Daisy, leaving Tobey still on all fours right there in front of everyone.

That was when one of the Japanese tourists jumped off his mule and shouted, “Hey, you – “ and stuck out his hand, pinky and index finger pointed at Tobey.

“Thhhp, thhhp, thhhp,” the little man said, motioning with his hands in the peculiar position. “Fly, fly, fly,” he chattered on as his friends behind him whispered amongst themselves.

“Oh god,” Tobey moaned, still trying to upright himself.

I reached down and grasped his arm to help him up: he was thoroughly covered in dust and other souvenirs from his unexpected detour.

“Yaahh!” shouted the little Japanese man just then, “you Piduh-Man! Piduh-Man, Piduh-Man, da dadada da dada da…” He lapsed into a feeble hum of the old Spider-Man theme song as his friends cheered behind him.

“Oh no,” Tobey mumbled, struggling to his feet. “Oh, shit…”

That was when the group of tourists seemed to simultaneously reach for the cameras they all had strung around their necks.

“Piduh-Man, Piduh-Man,” they all sang as their camera flashes went off in a brilliant display.

“First that mule tries to kill me and now this…” Tobey was grousing, picking leaves from his shirt and his hair.

I covered my mouth with my hand, trying not to laugh at Tobey with weeds coming out of his sleeves and shoes and hair, all while the Japanese chorus continued behind us.

I tried to talk over the growing din from the tourists, using every ounce of self control to keep a straight face. “So… why was the mule trying to kill you?”

“Because it kept walking over to the right—“ he pointed at the edge of the cliff. From up here, the massive beaches below were indeed miniscule to the eyes. “And Keanu Reeves was too busy giving you a personal tour to notice…”

“Oh hon,” I said, a flush coming to my cheeks when I realized that Tobey had been jealous! I pulled the weeds from his hair and shirt sleeves.

“Wook out! Here come da Piduh-Maaaaan!” The Japanese man belted this out as he finished up his group’s chorus just in time for Rusty to emerge from the foliage and give them all a startled look.

“Are they like, singing the Spider-Man theme?” he asked. “Dude, what is going on?”

“Umm, let’s just finish this up, OK?” I urged. My hopes of changing the subject, however, were foiled as the tourists were eagerly jibber-jabbering in broken English to Rusty about their discovery of Tobey’s secret identity.

“He Piduh-Man,” gushed the man who’d been the loudest of the singers. “You know – Sony? Big movie stah!”

“Movie star?” Rusty asked.

Tobey had turned away from all of the commotion and was actually crawling back onto Daisy the Stubborn Mule in a desperate attempt to get things back underway again.

“OK, ol’ Daisy girl, let’s me and you try this again,” he announced loudly, trying to divert everyone’s attention.

Unfortunately, Daisy wasn’t having it. She let out a long bray and bucked Tobey right off, and ran back into the brush.

The group of tourists immediately had their cameras at the ready, flashes popping as Daisy took off with a loud bleat, jumping clean over Tobey.

“My mule!” cried Rusty, running after it.

I hurried back to Tobey’s fallen side and pulled him up to his feet, not knowing whether to cry for him or laugh at the chaos surrounding us.

“You okay?”

He shot me a withering look and mumbled, “I just want to get out of here,” he growled through clenched teeth.

“OK,” I nodded. “I’m so sorry!” It had, after all, been my idea to do this in first place!

“Well I dunno what got into poor little Daisy here,” Rusty boomed as he and the mule once again joined us on the path. “You OK, little fella? I hope you ain’t hurt.”

I could not hold back the snort that escaped from me when he called Tobey “little fella.”

“I’m telling you, that animal is dangerous,” Tobey seethed.

“They’re trained,” Rusty was saying as he pulled the mule out of the bushes. “Since birth they’ve been taught—“

“Well someone needs to send little Daisy here back to school!”

Rusty was annoyed too. “How about I follow from behind you to make sure that Daisy doesn’t mysteriously wander off into the brush again.”

“It was either the brush or falling to my death!”

Tobey looked like he could have decked Rusty right there and then. Sure, he wouldn’t have reached the man’s jaw, but he was just the perfect height for a hard kick right in the…

“Nuts!” Rusty shouted just then, his mule had once more taken off in the wrong direction. He hurried after her and caught the animal by its reigns, once more pulling Daisy with him as he rejoined the group.

I shook my head as Tobey scowled at Rusty who returned the favor— I was guessing that Tobey’s comments about Daisy was just as bad as if he’d been talking about Rusty’s own mama.

“Hey,” I said quickly, taking hold of Tobey’s arm. “Hey, come on now, everyone’s waiting for us.”

They were also looking at us.

I pulled Tobey towards the mule. “Come on, let’s get moving.”

“Nat, I am not getting on that goddamn death trap again.”

“OK, look,” Rusty said, “there’s obviously some problem here with you and my Daisy. I’ll take Daisy and you can have my mule. Is that OK with you, Spidey?”

“Fine,” Tobey growled, glaring at Keanu. “Let’s just go.”

* * *

Tobey
Oh God, my back, he thought as he slowly made his way from the rental car and into the lobby of the hotel, trying desperately to keep up with Natalia. Oh shit, my back!
“Tobey, what’s wrong?” she asked when he finally made it to her side in front of the bank of elevators.
“Uhh, just a little hitch in my getalong . . . “
The elevator dinged open and he hobbled onto it next to Natalia. Shit, why now? This hadn’t bothered him in months, of all the times . . .
As they got out of the elevator on their floor, Natalia watched closely this time as he struggled to keep up with her normal pace to the door of their suite.
“I’m fine,” he insisted. “Really.”
* * *

Natalia

He clearly wasn’t fine, and after a few phone calls back to LA with Tobey’s management office and orthopedist, a local physician was found. Arrangements were made for him to come by our hotel that afternoon.

“I just need a cortisone shot, Nat,” Tobey reassured me. “It’s not that fun, but in 24 hours I’ll be good as new, I swear.”

“You’ve had this before?”

“Yeah . . . a little. It’s not that bad.”

“Yeah, as long as you don’t move!”

I felt horrible. Here we were on our beautiful Hawaiian vacation and I had to go and put this boy on a mule. How could this be happening?

Luckily, it wasn’t very long until the front desk called up to announce the arrival of the Hawaiian doctor. I gave them the OK to bring the man up, hoping he had whatever sort of shot Tobey claimed he needed. Knowing that Tobey was practically requesting any sort of shot was what worried me most – needles and pharmaceuticals weren’t exactly his favorite things.

“Maybe you’d like to go have a little swim down at the pool?” he suggested to me as I hung up the phone.

Oh the poor thing, he was terrified!

* * *

Tobey
Part of him really did wish she’d taken his advice and headed to the pool that afternoon, but honestly he was really glad she was smart enough to stay with him. He knew this wasn’t going to be pleasant, but he’d been through it alone in the past and this time it was somehow comforting just see her worried face.
Dr. Hoku Aki introduced himself and looked around the hotel suite for a moment, his gaze falling to the mahogany dining table near the doors to the lanai. He asked if Tobey would mind taking a seat upon the table so he could take a look.
“So what happened?”
“Oh, just a little mule ride up at Molokai earlier today…”
Dr. Aki chuckled. “Good ol’ Rusty!”
“You know him?”
“He’s my nephew!” Dr. Aki exclaimed.
Tobey grimaced, and not just from the doctor’s hand pressing against his lower vertebrae.
“How long have you had this disc trouble?” Dr. Aki asked.
“Couple years… It’s the disc between L4 and L5.”
“Right here.”
“AHHHH!”
Dr. Aki reached for the medical bag he had brought with him, searching for some tools of the trade. “So how did this first happen? Another mule?”
“Uhh, no. I was making a film, and the actress had to sort of jump on my back for this one scene . . .”
“What types of films do you make, son?” Dr. Aki asked, turning towards Tobey, syringe now in hand.

* * *

Natalia

So Charlize had done this to him!

Tobey immediately turned gray when Dr. Aki brought out that shot, I wasn’t sure if I should turn away and leave the room or rush to his side.

“You OK?” I asked from my seat on the couch.

“Uhh, sure - ”

His eyes told me differently. I went to him and asked if I could do anything.

“You’re not a fainter are you?” Dr. Aki asked.

“No,” I said.

“I was talking to our patient here,” he explained.

“I-I’ll be fine as soon as we get this over with,” Tobey stammered. Sweat was already beading his brow.

“Lots of folks get a little lightheaded with these babies, some even vomit,” the doctor informed us.

I glanced at Tobey and he looked at me a moment, then his gaze moved over to the other side of the table and my eyes followed. An empty trashcan sat right where he was looking, so I took that as my cue to retrieve it.

“Just in case,” I grinned unsteadily, as I stood near Tobey’s head.

Dr. Aki had drawn small dots on Tobey’s lower back in black Sharpie, a cluster of dots surrounding a slightly larger center point.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Tobey closed his eyes and inhaled once, exhaled deeply and said, “Do it.”

I watched as the needled entered the center point of the small diagram. Slowly and methodically, Dr. Aki aimed the needle towards the first dot on the drawing, the rotated the syringe towards the next dot. The needle never left its center point, but the syringe was maneuvered around to hit each spot in that small cluster of ink marks on Tobey’s skin.

“Ohhhhh…” came the groan on the third dot of the cluster. Seconds later, Tobey’s head was in the trashcan.

“Hold still,” the doctor urged as the heaves began.

“We’re halfway done,” I said, watching the needle aim at point five.

My fingers combed through the hair on the back of Tobey’s head and he lifted his face from the trashcan for a breath of fresh air, but a moment later, his head was in the can again.

“Almost done, honey,” I told him. I watched as the needle was aimed at the final spot and was finally withdrawn from Tobey’s back, syringe empty.

A last and final heave and groan accompanied the exit of the needle.

“Almost everyone faints or vomits,” the doctor told me. “The needle goes into and around the nerves so it’s quite painful.”

“Oh I see,” I said, holding Tobey steady as the doctor packed his things away into his bag and prepared to go.

“Take it easy for the next 24 hours, son,” he told Tobey, slapping his knee. “You’ll be right as rain by tomorrow afternoon.” With that, he winked at me and headed towards the door.

“Well, umm – thank you . . .” I stammered, just as the door closed behind him.

Turning to Tobey, I took the trashcan from his clammy hands and set it down. It would have to be dealt with, but he came first.

“Oh, honey,” I held his head in my hands as he wobbled a bit before me, there on the edge of the dining table. “Remind me never to take you mule riding again, OK?”

* * *

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